Top 30 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes & Jokes 2015


In this post, Saying Images share the funniest quotes & jokes for Thanksgiving 2015. Thanksgiving is the time when friends and family enjoy the time together around the dinner table and (maybe) make fun of each other. We rounded up some funny jokes & quotation for you this Thanksgiving, check them out!

funny thanksgiving quotes jokes

Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” – €”Johnny Carson

If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’™s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself. – €”Mitch Hedberg

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving. – Craig Ferguson

We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing. – George Carlin

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. -Erma Bombeck

Thanksgiving – when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook. – Melanie White

It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. –  €”Phyllis Diller

It’s not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it’s the seconds.

I’m excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.

Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, Blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are? – ”Kenny Rogerson

I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” – €”Jon Stewart

Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape … to play Santa Claus. – Melanie White

I’€™m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’€™m thankful for that.” – €”Howie Mandel

Read more: 25 Best Thanksgiving Quotes & Sayings

Funny Thanksgiving Jokes

funny thanksgiving jokes

Shot my first turkey today..scared the crap out of everyone in the froze food section, it was awesome

You might want to read: Thanksgiving Cards & Pictures

Store security stopped my wife at the door for trying to steal a butterball turkey. I had to show ID proving I’m not a butterball turkey. – Just Bill

I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family. – Damien Fahey

What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.

Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks.

They should change the name of Thanksgiving to something more fitting like say, Turkeypocolypse or Stuffing-cide.

Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home. – Melanie White

Who doesn’t eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.

A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying “that smells good” to be helping – Jimmy Fallon

You know that just before the first Thanksgiving there was one wise old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.” – Dylan Brody

Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? Yes. A building can’t jump at all!

A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn’t find one big enough. She asked the stock boy “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied “No they’re dead”.

I don’t eat pumpkin pie. It’s made from the guts of jack-o-lanterns, and that’s just spooky. – Melanie White
Hope you like these funny Thanksgiving quotes & jokes. If you know any great jokes & quotes on Thanksgiving we missed out on, feel free to share them in the comment below.

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