Thanksgiving is a time for us to express our gratitude and appreciation for all the things we’ve received for the year. It’s also a time for us to bond with family and friends over good food.
If you’ve ran out of things to say at the table, why not share a few silly and funny Thanksgiving quotes and jokes? It’ll surely make the holiday a lot more fun and festive.
Check out all the funny Thanksgiving quotes we’ve collected for you.
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes
If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself. – Mitch Hedberg
A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying “that smells good” to be helping. – Jimmy Fallon
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak. – Phyllis Diller
Thanksgiving – when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook. – Melanie White
I’m excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.
Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. – Johnny Carson
It’s not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it’s the seconds.
We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing. – George Carlin
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not a coincidence. – Erma Bombeck
Last Thanksgiving, I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, Blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are? – Kenny Rogerson
On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment — halftime.
I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. – Jon Stewart
I like football. I find it an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversations with your family on Thanksgiving. – Craig Ferguson
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape … to play Santa Claus. – Melanie White
I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that. – Howie Mandel
I don’t eat pumpkin pie. It’s made from the guts of jack-o-lanterns, and that’s just spooky. – Melanie White
See Also: Best Thanksgiving Wishes, Messages & GreetingsThanksgiving Wishes, Messages & Cards
Funny Thanksgiving Jokes
Store security stopped my wife at the door for trying to steal a butterball turkey. I had to show ID proving I’m not a butterball turkey. – Just Bill
What does an English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.
You know that just before the first Thanksgiving, there was one wise old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.” – Dylan Brody
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks.
A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn’t find one big enough. She asked the stock boy “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No they’re dead”.
I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family. – Damien Fahey
Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home. – Melanie White
They should change the name of Thanksgiving to something more fitting like say, Turkeypocolypse or Stuffing-cide.
Who doesn’t eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey, because it is always stuffed.
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? Yes, a building can’t jump at all!
Don’t forget to have fun and enjoy the holiday. Share these funny Thanksgiving quotes and jokes with your family and friends!